Sample Post

 

   A girl once went to the fair to hire herself for servant. At last a funny-looking old gentleman engaged her, and took her home to his house. When she got there, he told her that he had something to teach her, for that in his house he had his own names for things.

    He said to her, "What will you call me?"

   "Master or mister, or whatever you please, sir," says she.

    He said, "You must call me master of all masters. And what would you call this?" he said pointing to his bed.

    "Bed or couch, or whatever you please, sir."

    "No, that's my barnacle. And what do you call these?" said he, pointing to his pantaloons.

    "Breeches or trousers, or whatever you please, sir."

    "You must call them squibs and crackers. And what would you call her?" he said pointing to the cat.

    "Cat or kit, or whatever you please, sir."

    "You must call her white-faced simminy."

    "And this now," he said showing the fire, "what would you call this?"

    "Fire or flame, or whatever you please, sir."

    "You must call it hot cockalorum. And what this?" he went on, pointing to the water.

    "Water or wet, or whatever you please, sir." (This girl is nothing if not patient.)

    "No, pondalorum is its name. And what do you call all this?" asked he as he gestured at all the house.

    "House or cottage, or whatever you please, sir."

    "You must call it high topper mountain." (Bloody hell.)

    That very night the servant woke her master up in a fright and shouted, "Master of all masters, get out of your barnacle and put on your squibs and crackers. For white-faced simminy has got a spark of hot cockalorum on its tail, and unless you get some pondalorum high topper mountain will be all on hot cockalorum" 

 

And of course, by the time she'd gotten all that out, the house had burned to the ground.